Coaches become more effective by enhancing self-awareness through collecting their own stories, exploring their strengths, and identifying shortcomings to work on. In all three ways, they model self-awareness skills for their athletes. In the process, they learn how to manage their personal psychological well-being so that they have the energy to respond skillfully to athletes and teams in the moment and over time.

Stories help us understand our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and sharpens our sense of the “who, when, where, how, and why” we coach. They can help us identify what motivates us. When we reflect on our own stories, we understand ourselves better. When we share them with our teams, stories create stronger connections. Our athletes are drawn to stories that convey meaning and purpose. Stories can ignite them to take action. Stories help coaches and their athletes shape their perspectives of their sport, as well as pass down knowledge, values, and traditions that shape team culture over generations.

Coaches as Storytellers

“I started off as a young, inexperienced assistant coach still in player mode,” says Sean Quirk, head coach of the Cannons Lacrosse Club of the Premier Lacrosse League. “When I became a head coach, I learned from mentors and then established my own philosophy. Throughout, I always thought I was a positive person and had the best interests of my athletes, but it was enhanced tenfold once I had my own children. Then I really became aware of the impact I can have on my athletes and teams.”

Sean is a storyteller. He is very humble and doesn’t like to get up in front of a team and say, “I did this,” but he loves being a storyteller about the coaches that have been mentors to him and helped him appreciate the game. “I love being a storyteller,” he says, “and how the stories relate in terms of the type of culture that we want to build within our team today, and not being afraid to tell your teams about failures you’ve had.” Sean knows many coaches who talk about all the success they’ve had, but teams can learn so much about failures the coach experienced either individually or with past teams. By being able to share these stories, the coach portrays both confidence and humility. This humility can create trust by showing the coach’s authentic self.

Stories tell us much about our values, the things that really matter to us. Values are personal beliefs that guide behaviors, decisions, and actions. From Sean’s narrative above, you can see the importance of family and how that translates into care for the athletes and teams he coaches.

The Motives Behind Coaching Stories

While some stories come from aspects of ourselves that we know well, other great stories come from feedback experiences that show us things that surprise us about ourselves. We become better storytellers when we know the motivations behind our own stories. Many rich stories come from experiences that inspired belief and a sense of purpose. As we listen to stories, both our own and those of our athletes, it helps to listen for the cues that uncover beliefs and motives.

To turn your own events into good stories, it can be helpful to use what I call the SARI structure.

1. Situation: Set up the who, what, where, and when of the disruption. What was the initiating event?
2. Action: Explain what happened in the story. What was your reaction to the initiating event? How did you try to get things back in balance?
3. Results: How did your actions change things? Did your direction change?
4. Insights: What did you learn from the change in the narrative? What new patterns of behavior came from the experience?

Back Stories

It can be helpful to explore our own back stories, the set of events that led us to become coaches. Katharine DeLorenzo is the Middlebury College field hockey coach, whose teams won four Division 3 National Championships. As a three-sport athlete and music major at Goucher College, she had an epiphany that coaching was the right career for her during her graduate study in music at Indiana State University. She was coaching every day at DePauw University, 40 miles away. “There was a lot of reflection time,” Katharine remembers. “Sometimes I was making that [40-mile] commute twice a day because I would have morning class and then an afternoon practice and then an evening rehearsal. I was doing a lot of driving by myself. I felt the pull of not wanting to leave DePauw and excitement about getting back to there to coach. I realized that my mind was about 96 percent on the coaching and the teams. That doesn’t bode well for a musician. I made a very abrupt about face with my whole life’s journey. I walked over to the registrar’s office and this is what I’ve been doing ever since.”

Let’s analyze Katharine’s story:

• Situation: Katherine was doing her graduate study and travelling daily to another school to coach.
• Action: She realized during the commute that she really wanted to coach more than she wanted to make music.
• Results: She decided to look at coaching as a profession. She dropped out of the music program.
• Insight: She found that coaching was her passion and purpose and that it brought great value to her and her athletes.

We can take a long view of our coaching careers and see the stories that have developed from our experiences.   We can explore how stories play a part in how we coach and how they bring purpose and meaning to our work with our athletes.