Will, an eleven-year-old little league baseball player, was not known for being a good hitter.  In fact, he often didn’t swing the bat at all, and he was called out on strikes nearly every time he came to home plate. It was agonizing for his mother and father to listen to other angry parents saying awful things about their wonderful son all because he couldn’t—or at least didn’t—hit the ball.  At the end of the season, Will came to the plate in a critical situation. True to form, the bat didn’t leave his shoulder for three pitches. After the game the dejected son said to his proud and caring father, “Dad, I really wish I could hit.”    His father was elated and said, “Yes. I will find you the best help available.  We will make you a hitter.”  Will’s reply was, “But, Dad, I don’t want to work at it, I just want to hit.”  Will had not yet learned the difference between wishing and willing.

Wishing leads to hoping. We start by wanting things to be at least a little bit different than they are and may dream about what it would be like if a miracle happened to make the wish come true. Before a wish can become a dream-come-true, some other things need to happen. First of all, a person needs to have at least some hope that the wish could come true. Hope building allows people to explore this possibility. Sean Doyle, who holds a Master of Applied Positive Psychology degree from the University of Pennsylvania maintains, “Wishes tell us something about what it means to be human. They frame for us our vision of what is important.”

While they are not the same thing as hope, our wishes have a hand in the motivation, passion, and clear goals that make our hopes possible. When times are hard, sometimes wishes offer the comfort we need.

Of course, we are not always good at guessing what we want, or what will make us happy. As a result, sometimes we wish for the “wrong” things. But this, too, says something about who we are, and what it means to be human as we go about stammering and stumbling through life. Ultimately our wishes connect us to one another. No matter where we are from or where we are going, when we hear the wishes of others, we realize that we are not alone in our dreams.  Our wishes can lead us to hope.

Hope is a motivational state based on beliefs about the future. An understanding of hope can help us increase it in ourselves and others around us.  The pioneering work of C. S. Snyder on hope theory showed that there are three important ways we can increase hope: by setting lofty goals, by establishing multiple pathways to goal achievement, and by believing in our ability to reach the goals, also called agency.

Goals can inspire a willingness to put forth great effort. One way we can build hope is to pay attention to the quality of the goals that we set. A full exploration of good goals is beyond the scope of this book, so we recommend the book, Creating Your Best Life by Caroline Adams Miller. Miller describes several qualities of strong goals. She recommends that they be important to us personally, not established to please someone else. Approach goals are stronger than avoidance goals, for example aiming for a win rather than avoiding a loss. Since we all have multiple goals, it makes sense to have our different goals leverage each other, rather than conflict with each other.

Pathways are strategies to achieve a goal. It helps to have multiple possible pathways in case one gets blocked. When an obstacle arises, the hopeful coach thinks, “What is another possibility?” or “I will discover a different way to achieve this goal.” As coaches, we can model the ability to find alternative pathways when hitting a roadblock, thus helping athletes learn how to figure out their own solutions rather than having the coach do it for them. Many coaches set up game plans that include alternatives that can be implemented at a moment’s notice.

Agency refers to our beliefs that we are capable of meeting the goals: “I got this!” Since agency is essentially confidence, please review the earlier sections about ways to build confidence.

Here is a narrative to show how the three components of hope materialize.  John Buxton, the former Head of School at the Culver Academies (IN), coached wrestling at St. Paul’s School (NH) for 30 years. John remembers the details of this story as if the match took place yesterday, although it happened when he was in eighth grade. “I was thirteen, weighed 99 pounds, and was wrestling for the Varsity in the 110-pound weight class. Our team was competing in a significant pre-season tournament against a number of larger schools with far more accomplished programs. It was the end of the day and I was the only wrestler from our school still competing. My opponent in the match for third place was a Mighty-Mouse look-alike, as big as a gorilla, with a five o’clock shadow. His muscles and his whiskers were enough to convince me that I didn’t belong in this obvious mismatch. “I was somewhat skilled but seriously underpowered, so my strategy was to keep it close and not embarrass myself. Suddenly, it was the beginning of the third and final two-minute period, and I realized I was only losing by two-points, 5-3. I engaged myself in debate. Lose by two and it’s a moral victory. Don’t get pinned. Don’t risk putting yourself in danger just to be a hero. Keep it close and everyone wins. However, just when I had convinced myself that discretion would be the better part of valor, something else entered my mind. Escape, take him down, and win. What have I got to lose? If I don’t try, I lose anyway. “The referee blew his whistle, and I exploded in a frenzy of activity. Everything I had, every ounce of resolve and effort was focused on the goal. But my attempts were thwarted. Try, fail. Try again, fail. Time was running out. Thirty-five seconds left in the match. I would not be denied. With five seconds remaining, the referee slapped the mat. I had pinned the gorilla. I had overcome my own fear and had been rewarded for the effort. As the referee raised my hand to signify the victory, I fainted. I must have emptied the tank, pushed myself to the point of exhaustion. “When anyone asks me if I have ever had a moment in sports that influenced my values, that match flows back to me immediately. It has more importance for me than winning subsequent championships, playing three sports in college, or competing for national titles. Those two minutes taught me that I could influence the outcome of a contest or a situation. I would never be afraid to give my best effort, even if I was unsure of the outcome. I had a responsibility to myself, to my team, and to my opponent (metaphorically), to give my best effort. “That match has influenced my attitude in my work, my approach to raising a family, and my philosophy as a long-time coach. The opportunity to reflect upon that event and that decision-making process proved to be extremely significant for me. Since it happened when I was thirteen, my focus, predictably, was on the “I” aspect of the experience. A memorable moment later in my development would probably read quite differently. Nevertheless, the point is clear. We need to remember where we have been and understand where we are before we decide where we should go and how we can get there. My story has served me well throughout my life span. My experience happened to be positive and sustaining, but had it been negative, it would still benefit me to reflect upon it, understand it, and learn from it.”

Buxton’s thinking contained the three ingredients of hope: 1. Goal Setting: He started with an avoidance goal, not to embarrass himself, which he achieved mid-match. Then he went to an approach goal, to pin his opponent and win. 2. He had two pathways to his initial goal. The pathway for his second goal was to explode in a frenzy of activity, which he had to do over and over. 3. Agency: He came to believe it was possible for him to achieve his goal.

You can assemble the ingredients of hope for yourself. Think of an exciting coaching goal you have ahead of you. Explore how you can employ the three ingredients of hope. What is the goal ahead of me? What alternative pathways do I have to reach a good outcome, even if my first approach doesn’t work? What can I call upon to have belief in myself?  In this way, you shape hope and will things to happen, instead of just wishing.